Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Well, that, or cancer...

You can call me a cynical bitch, but at least I didn't say it on the facebook post I copied it from. That's maturity right there. 

Thursday, October 8, 2015

I hope you get cancer and DIE, you MONSTER!

screams the not so little girl from the stairs, because she's just found out that mother went into her room and turned off her radiator without telling her last Spring, and also because the noise of the central heating that's just turned on is bothering her. 

It's funny,  a little bit, because of the drama of 'you monster' that is usually only used to ironic effect. 

And yet... it would be funnier if my mother hadn't died of cancer, I think. Maybe then I wouldn't be up writing about it at 1.45am to try and get it out of my head. It would be funny if it weren't something I worry about so much. 

Sunday, September 27, 2015

super moon full moon blood moon harvest moon

It's a night of many moons tonight - I hope you go look outside, at least, if not get up in the middle of the night to see the eclipse. It was a huge golden orb in the sky over the Head last night and tonight, so beautiful - my little camera is unable to catch it. It did not look like this, trust me. 

I stood at the wall of the car park trying to photograph it, and a nice older man came by, commented on it, told me about the eclipse  - as we were talking about it, a rather cool English black guy with fabulous greying beard and hair combo and a walking stick came past on the path below, looked up and asked about it. He sneered at how it would be cloudy, but it might well not, tonight (oh he of little faith!).There was much standing around and looking at the moon in the car park tonight, it feels like such a human thing to share. 

The Sunset setting on my camera is disappointing. It was much brighter and more fiery than this. 

This is a few weeks old, I thought I'd preserve it for posterity as one day I will look back through bleary eyes surrounded by wrinkles, and bless my youth and the soft lighting and wish I could return. Don't embiggen it, I'd actually just squeezed out all my pores and I'm covered in blotches. 

don't you want to *know*?

So I'm one of those awful people who needs to go round the world with a red pen, correcting the apostrophe crimes of the  masses. Heh, the m skipped and I just wrote asses. In addition to this, I litter my way with typos and sometimes I'm too lazy to use capital letters. And when I text I use spaces instead of apostrophes. Awful hypocricy.

Sort of.

The thing is. THE THING IS. Don't you want to know what the words you're using mean? I just saw someone say 'bore' when they meant 'boar'. Could've been a simple brain mistake, which I make all the time - so it's ok, I didn't say anything! I resisted, and instead ran away to write this post and vent. See? Good. But I like words, I like to know what the things I'm saying mean, so if I'm saying that a baby 'routes' instead of 'roots' for the breast, isn't it interesting to know which one it means? Rooting like a piggy, to connect to the word above, rather than, er, 'routing' like someone who is following a map. I guess.

People so often just don't know what they're saying. Dave Gorman on his new show highlighted that the phrase 'bull in a china shop' has turned into 'bowl in a china shop' and with it the meaning has changed from 'clumsy or destructive' to 'as boring/fragile as a bowl in a china shop'. Ok, so this is how language evolves (depressingly) but sometimes, we're just wrong. Don't you want to know? Don't you want to know it's 'could have' not 'could of' or 'I saw' not 'I seen' (very Irish, that one). It'd be one thing if we were all multi-lingual, but most people in Ireland don't even speak Irish. English is the language that we speak, why not care about using it right? Expecting people to know what you mean isn't enough. I feel. Why make other people do your work for you?

I know I'm a pedant. And also one who mispronounces things quite often. I don't know how to explain it - I don't care about being right for the sake of being right, I care about ownership and mastery of the language you speak and awareness. I care about actually understanding the things we say.

Unless you're dyslexic, in which case, carry on, English homophones are a total bitch. 

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Not proud

I just found my lost camera...on the floor... 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I'd better start taking my anti depressant properly again, and then maybe I'll be less upset by the fact that my mouth guard which cost 2 week's wages is wearing my front tooth away and my dentist refuses to accept that it's a problem because it's better for my jaw than a soft guard.

So now I get to see if my health insurance will cover a visit to a prosthetic specialist and in the meantime, just deal with the fact that I can't pronounce my 't's properly any more and go get a cheap rugby guard to wear instead as much as I can, even though it will damage my jaw all the more. But I feel like I need my front teeth intact.

I fucking hate this stupid fucking problem that is not my fault. I feel so screwed over. 

Monday, September 21, 2015

I made some cards

Arg, the circle one is frustratingly off centre in this. I couldn't tell, what the phone show you is not what the camera takes. Feck.

I love these colours.

I am sending cards made with rain water to a couple people in drought and fire stricken California and Oregon. It always used to rain when my mother sent letters to her sister in SB, and so far it's worked twice when I've sent people cards. I'm going to try again and see what happens.

One goes to my friend who's just moved to Kilkenny to do a jewellery course, it's her birthday on Friday. Kilkenny is not in need of rain.

The round one is for a darling writer and artist in Scotland who I bonded with at a writing conference. We have much in common, though she's much nicer and sweeter than me. Not to mention leggy and beautiful. Along with another writer, we've devised a plan to be penpals, so we can all get post. I love post. All I get is bills. Though, hopefully, boots, in the next couple days. 

purple twilight

I love this time of day - when it glows and shimmers and seems liminal, pregnant, like anything could happen. I feel that the world is so full of possibility at times like this. 

Sunday, September 20, 2015

If you want your breastfed child to sleep, maybe you should stop caffeinating your breast milk all day long.

Ugh. I've got the hormonal bitchies today, even if I actually don't because it's not the right time for it. I should be a serene river of calm.

I'm even annoying people when I don't mean to. Sorry, Mary.

I should get off facebook and shut the fuck up.

I nearly unfriended someone for a deeply pompous response (impersonal pronoun and all, the wanker) to a off the cuff comment I made about his sub tweet criticising the spelling of a woman he's sleeping with the other week. She rushed off the change the word according to his correction, and I made a joke about the passive aggression of correcting your lover's typos in whole seperate tweets.

Yes, I KNOW you know her very well, I saw the photo. It was just a funny, responding to your funny... fuck off. But I reminded myself it was PMS (or possibly PMD) and managed to leave it at that. And he was oblivious.

What is this irritability? I will stop, and go make some arty things I've been not doing, and pee, and stop eating the muffins I made (yeah right) and maybe even do some exercise. I wish I had battle ropes. But they are huge, won't really fit in my garden, and are too expensive. Axl suggested going down the docks, if we want some big rope. He could be on to something there, but perhaps the hardware shop would be a better bet. Anyway, a duvet cover will do, look.

And I love the guy's voice. I like the way he says 'bedsheet'. 

Monday, September 14, 2015

I was a little weary and weepy this afternoon, wishing to be put to bed and read to and have someone sing my to sleep with Jesus Loves Me, if I'm totally honest.

But a walk and food made me feel a little more resilient and adult. Even if that video of the Syrian refugees in Hungary, and the Hungarians watching them helplessly and crying was kinda hard to take.

Toninght's soup was tomato and red pepper with lentils, cream, paprika, cinnamon, onion and garlic and a little chili.

Harbin Hotsprings burned down. It's so sad. Poor California. The spectre of wildfires is terrifying.

I don't have anything more for you tonight, I've got to do a little work and go to bed.