Saturday, December 20, 2014


I read back over some of my Christmas posts of yore this morning. Jesus, they're terrible. Terrible.

You know what? I'm happy with chocolate, nice food, and some retro films on the tv. Staying in bed, walking the dog, baking - it'll do.

Things are better than they were, even if all is not delightful. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I'm feeling ... down. I wish I had an uncomplicated family and we all made each other feel loved and safe and cared for. 

I got a Christmas card from my father the other day. It said, underneath the generic message, 'father's name & wife's name'. I suppose I should be glad he included me on his list. But it just made me feel rejected, I suppose. Maybe it's not intentional, that's always possible. My mother always did the Christmas cards back in the day. 

But my brother has been really thoughtless - for the last few years, he and his gf have come to us on Stephen's day, and we've had a really lovely dinner and a lovely time. It's become my Christmas, for me, that and going to my godparents' house on Christmas Eve - the day itself is a bit of a non event, for me - Axl's tired, we go to his mother's for dinner because that's what the kids want, and it's ... ok. It's just ok, mushy sprouts and not a whole lot of relaxation, somehow. She's less comfortable here, though, and the kitchen's chaos, we don't have a seperate room for a dining room, my sprouts are too hard, the food's not warm enough... it's not really worth it. 

But this year my godparents are away, and my brother and his gf have failed to communicate with me properly, made assumptions and plans around them without actually talking to me - so now they're going to my father's for lunch, and thought they'd have dinner with us, but I was never planning dinner - and they won't be up to two big Christmassy dinners in one day. So we'll eat alone and they'll wander in and visit at some point. 

I sound like one of those people who wants everything their way at Christmas. Like that woman on Awkward Family Photos who sent everyone detailed orders for Thanksgiving dinner and who's ridicule has now been immortalised on serving platters. I'm not trying to be controlling, though, I'm just disappointed. And lonely. And I find it very hard not to see myself through the condemnatory eyes of my father. And it makes me vulnerable and sad. 

I suggested going to the zoo with the kids on Christmas Eve but now Olivia is sort of backing out of it. I don't want to go if she's going to be bored and bitchy. 

I'm so annoyed at my brother, but I'm annoyed because I'm sad that I'm going to miss his company. I don't mind not getting invited to my father's over Christmas, I just hate the awkwardness of it all - he doesn't because I wouldn't go for Christmas the year my mother died and he doesn't want any more rejection - but really it's more to do with his love of bearing grudges. He learned it from my granny. 


Saturday, December 13, 2014

jingly things

Ha, my friend just asked me to get her a body scrub for Christmas, she's going to get a bumper jar of THIS.

I ♥ the internet. I've bought Christmas presents for the kids (well, actually Axl's done most of that), stocking stuff still to go. I've bought a teeny notepad for my student Secret Santa present, and will make her a choc biscuit cake 'pudding' in celophane too. I stood and looked at face creams in the health food shop for ages for my mother in law, but I just couldn't bring myself to spend €25 on a wee tube of something, no matter how nice - I think she'll be getting the body scrub too.

I forgot to bring Bodhi to his friend's party - both parents texted me but I was away from the phone. I'm gutted - I do this so often, the poor kid, and poor birthday kid. So sad. I have a problem.

Tomorrow is a busy day - I kind of hate doing things on the weekend, if I'm honest. I like to watch tv and read in bed, basically. Ah, Christmas.

Still, our tree is up, it's beautiful, it gladdens my heart. I must feed it 7Up. 

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Bodhi has a technique to enjoy his tea for longer (he's delighted with Roibosh vanilla): I have a technique to keep the taste in my mouth for longer. I kind of regurgitate it. I mean, I regurgitate the taste, not the tea.

How's that for a campaign slogan? Regurgitate the taste, not the tea! 

Monday, December 1, 2014


New student in class today, she's Slovak, has perfect pale skin and a teenage figure. I asked if anyone was married, expecting them to say no (I've a pretty young class at the mo), and she said she was. I said, What?? What age are you!?

that might have been a bit rude

and she said, 29.

This is what happens when you dont have children... you get to 29 still looking 19.


Sunday, November 30, 2014

I remembered!

Oh yeah, it was on facebook. Someone posted in the Home Sweet Home group asking if hot chocolate with Bailey's in it was nice.


They had to ask.

My mind boggled.

Truly a 'does the pope shit in the woods?' moment.

Is chocolate cake nice? Do you like the feeling of the sun on your face? Would a hug from a tall man feel comforting? Would fifty grand in your bank account make you feel more secure? Is electrocution painful?

Some people... I dunno...

She tried it, it seems. Found it delicious. Thank god for social media and the reassurance it brings.

Reminds me of a woman who hovered suspiciously round my cake stall when I was selling at the market. I asked her if she'd like to try a sample of cheesecake.
'Oh no', she answered. 'I might not like it.'

Uh huh. That's the way to live your life, alright. 

Saturday, November 29, 2014

I wuz gonna tell you something. But now I can't remember what... 

Sunday, November 23, 2014

red tent time

Ahh, welcome, PMS, you old divil. Chocolate cravings, cold sore, water retention and urges to be gratuitously combative online.

Where is my hut up the valley?

Wait, does that sound too euphemistic?

Monday, November 17, 2014

My blog is so miserable at the moment, I'm sorry.

Nice things - my friend sent me a photo of her two adorable twin girls who woke her up with giggles and cuddles on her birthday this morning. They're utterly gorgeous.

My fingers have stopped hurting!

I had two really nice visits this weekend. And Olivia has been pleasant to everyone all day today.

I have work later into the year than usual.

These things are good.