Monday, May 19, 2014

irresponsibility

I'm organising some private professional help to try and get Olivia back on her horse again. I have to do something - we're looking at home tuition now, as she's still refusing to get dressed and doesn't want to go back to school. I know it sounds crazy to indulge her in these ideas, but the truth is, school has been mostly negative for the last couple years, I'm really unconvinced as to what she's getting out of it. The stories I hear about her class from their teacher really just make me glad she's not there.

The thing is, the professional help, which I hear is really good, costs €175 an hour, and the initial outlay will be a fair bit. What if it doesn't work? What if it's more hundreds wasted, as we did last year?

Just thinking about the money is tipping me into a world of nerves. And this: how irresponsible was it of me to have children, when I'm not equipped to provide for them financially? What the fuck was I thinking? I suppose I thought I would get a teaching job somewhere that would turn into something permanent. I don't know - right now this question is just making me quake. I cannot provide adequately for my kids and their arising needs. 

4 comments:

catherine said...

Jo, You are doing the best you can do on your own, there should be resources available to you to help Olivia but this country is not able to cope with any child that is outside the box, it makes me so angry..i would be pulling my hair out too.. x

Lisa said...

I'm pretty sure when you decided to have children you weren't imagining what is going on now. If everyone waited until they could afford it to have children then the world would be an empty place. Professional help is only going to help when Olivia realizes that she needs it and finds someone whom she feels she can open up too.

Jo said...

I really thought this wouldn't be me, somehow. With ASD rates approaching one in 50, and a 30% increase in the last two years, that just wasn't a realistic idea at all.

It's not therapy we're trying to get, more tactical support. Yes, it would help a lot if she'd accept that seh could change things if she worked at them!

Lisa said...

Exactly.